Just when you think you have someone "figured out" they turn around knock you off your feet.
I had the most wonderful and enlightening conversation with an absolutely delightful woman yesterday! It was exactly the conversation I needed. My interest in Second Life has been rekindled and for that I can not thank the wonderful woman enough.
I have a new goal and I'm loving it!! Stay tuned for more positive updates!
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Admiration
I don't know about you but I admire strong, confident people. I admire creative people and people who understand maths like it were easy. I admire people for their honesty and I especially admire people who give as much as they take.
I'm very lucky to know a small handful of people who fit into one, if not all, of those qualities. The funny thing about this is that they intimidate the hell out of me. They're not mean nor do they flaunt their awesome abilities, talents and general niceness and yet I still find myself finger tied when trying to talk with them. What the hell!?
If I'm being honest I feel terribly awkward, bulky and inferior when I'm with them. Each of these people contribute so much both to the communities in which I know them and in conversations. They speak easily, confidently, while I struggle with what I should say. Admittedly I do think too much and this results in my panicking and subsequent obscure remarks.
I guess it all touches on my real life self. I'm very much the same in Second Life as I am in that awful program called Real Life. Unlike some people I can't separate myself into an "online" personality and a real one.
Sometimes I remember that not everyone is confident and even those whom I think are will have days when they forget their brilliance. It's those days when I relate to people best, but this is beside the point.
Lately I've been catching myself trying to be someone I simply am not. I didn't even realise I was doing it until I started to feel that familiar drained sensation. This, quite simply, is not acceptable. I like who I am, mostly... Okay so only sometimes, stop looking at me like that. I don't want to change myself for the sole purpose of "fitting in" when all I'm doing is losing my identity. Albeit my identity is a bit warped, strange and kind of ditzy.
So, this leaves me in a bit of quandary. I enjoy all the time I get to spend with these amazingly talented, beautiful people and I don't wish to run away like I would normally do. A whole new challenge awaits me which is sure to set this blog heating up with posts as I try to overcome my insecurities around these people.
Should I really care if they like me or not? I don't think so. They are going to make up their own minds irrelevant of what I do.
Unfortunately, I seek their approval. (I know, I'm rolling my eyes too.)
What a sick and twisted brain I have.
Are there any zombies out there looking for a slightly used, tasty brain?
Maybe I can get a refund somewhere. Excuse me while I go and check the Marketplace.
I'm very lucky to know a small handful of people who fit into one, if not all, of those qualities. The funny thing about this is that they intimidate the hell out of me. They're not mean nor do they flaunt their awesome abilities, talents and general niceness and yet I still find myself finger tied when trying to talk with them. What the hell!?
If I'm being honest I feel terribly awkward, bulky and inferior when I'm with them. Each of these people contribute so much both to the communities in which I know them and in conversations. They speak easily, confidently, while I struggle with what I should say. Admittedly I do think too much and this results in my panicking and subsequent obscure remarks.
I guess it all touches on my real life self. I'm very much the same in Second Life as I am in that awful program called Real Life. Unlike some people I can't separate myself into an "online" personality and a real one.
Sometimes I remember that not everyone is confident and even those whom I think are will have days when they forget their brilliance. It's those days when I relate to people best, but this is beside the point.
Lately I've been catching myself trying to be someone I simply am not. I didn't even realise I was doing it until I started to feel that familiar drained sensation. This, quite simply, is not acceptable. I like who I am, mostly... Okay so only sometimes, stop looking at me like that. I don't want to change myself for the sole purpose of "fitting in" when all I'm doing is losing my identity. Albeit my identity is a bit warped, strange and kind of ditzy.
So, this leaves me in a bit of quandary. I enjoy all the time I get to spend with these amazingly talented, beautiful people and I don't wish to run away like I would normally do. A whole new challenge awaits me which is sure to set this blog heating up with posts as I try to overcome my insecurities around these people.
Should I really care if they like me or not? I don't think so. They are going to make up their own minds irrelevant of what I do.
Unfortunately, I seek their approval. (I know, I'm rolling my eyes too.)
What a sick and twisted brain I have.
Are there any zombies out there looking for a slightly used, tasty brain?
Maybe I can get a refund somewhere. Excuse me while I go and check the Marketplace.
Friday, September 24, 2010
Sometimes People Really Shit Me
As the title says, sometimes people really shit me. Some are just stupid, some are rude, some are down right mental and then there are some like this one:
Let me set the scene for you a little bit now. I'm in a club, it's not a fancy club and if I'm honest I would have to admit that it actually looks rather awful. It's meant to be, yet another, gothic inspired club. You know the kind, dark grey stone, furnishings are all in red to emulate blood and lots of "archaic" stairways.
The DJ isn't very good, but it's better than sitting at home staring at my walls because I'm so bored.
I'm dancing just off to the side of the room, kind of keeping to myself since I don't know anyone there.
Randomly, I receive the IM above. *Insert inward groaning and eye rolling here*
^ Please note that the name has been removed to protect the "innocence" of the person involved.
[17:22] S G^: Hi Raznay! you say *friendship only* which is quite much, does this mean no sex at all? ^^
[17:23] Raznay Decosta: If I was interested in pixel fucking I would say so in my profile.
[17:24] S G: ok, ok, i am sorry for asking:)
[17:24] Raznay Decosta: Ask all you want, I thought it was self explanatory though
[17:26] S G: pixel fucking? isn't imagination the most important thing? or why should i read a book then.. ;)
[17:30] Raznay Decosta: Your question has a serious fault. You're trying to combine different forms of imagination to suit an opinion. Reading a book is using a vastly different form of imagination than what is used for pixel fucking.
[17:33] Raznay Decosta: Anyway, why should it be a problem if I choose not to engage in pixel fucking? Is it not just another fetish? In fact given that it's "not real" and that pixels are involved, pixel fucking could be viewed as a 3d version of Hentai. Personally, cartoons and pixels do not get me off. Nor the words of horny people who think "you're avi is sexy" is foreplay.
[17:37] S G: maybe it depends just on the individual which form of imagination id possible... as well saying "your body is sexy" wont be a foreplay in RL too ^^
[17:39] Raznay Decosta: Good thing we're not talking about RL.
[17:40] Raznay Decosta: And yes, it does depend on the individual as to what they like, are interested in and what they are willing to do.
[17:40] Raznay Decosta: Not everyone on this platform wants to run around fucking every pixel that moves.
Let me set the scene for you a little bit now. I'm in a club, it's not a fancy club and if I'm honest I would have to admit that it actually looks rather awful. It's meant to be, yet another, gothic inspired club. You know the kind, dark grey stone, furnishings are all in red to emulate blood and lots of "archaic" stairways.
The DJ isn't very good, but it's better than sitting at home staring at my walls because I'm so bored.
I'm dancing just off to the side of the room, kind of keeping to myself since I don't know anyone there.
Randomly, I receive the IM above. *Insert inward groaning and eye rolling here*
^ Please note that the name has been removed to protect the "innocence" of the person involved.
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
The End
*Insert long list of expletives here*
The only club I worked in just closed. No more DJing for me.
Okay, so I know I don't really enjoy it as much as I used to and every noob is a DJ now anyway, but still it was kind of my little thing.
The worst part of all this is that I got no warning, no lead up to the end. Instead the owners have a huge hissy fit, close the club and that's it.
Gee, thanks guys.
Oh well, just another day another job.
Anyone hiring a part time DJ?
The only club I worked in just closed. No more DJing for me.
Okay, so I know I don't really enjoy it as much as I used to and every noob is a DJ now anyway, but still it was kind of my little thing.
The worst part of all this is that I got no warning, no lead up to the end. Instead the owners have a huge hissy fit, close the club and that's it.
Gee, thanks guys.
Oh well, just another day another job.
Anyone hiring a part time DJ?
Monday, September 20, 2010
All The Things She Said
Have you ever thought about all the things you'd like to say but were too afraid to?
Maybe you just wanted to respond in a witty way but couldn't think of anything then and there?
I know I have done both of the above. So I decided to write down all the things I wish I had said.
Here goes...
- I hate that outfit you just showed me! I will not buy it even if it is cheap. Look at it, the design is disgusting!
(I sincerely wish I never bought the outfit. It was some terrible White skirt and top thing. Completely hideous, never worn, got deleted.)
- I know you're lying to me. You already admitted it by everything you just said.
- OMG you are fucking stupid!!
(In my defence I had just explained how things worked and didn't work... Guess you had to be there.)
- I don't believe you when you tell me I'm the only one.
- you won't leave SL if we break up, so what you have just said is a lie. It's a bad one too. Try something more original next time.
- really, I don't like being crowded. If I wanted to spend all my time with you I would.
- stop telling me what I should and should not do!
- instead of staring at my boobs while they bounce, can you actually listen to what I just said?
- friends are meant to be there for each other. Since you have no concept of this and have ended our friendship because she doesn't like me, I hope you miss me. You'll never have my friendship again.
- oh, that's what your penis looks like. You might want to match the colours better.
- your friends are important, but if you want me back you have to prove it. After what you did you owe me at least that much.
- oh, I keep you out of trouble? That's great, stop being a dickhead and playing everyone and you'll stay out of trouble on your own.
- look, if all you're going to do is bitch about how rude people are and how they're not wearing your group tag, then I'm going to fuck off and not return. Venting is different to what you're doing, mate.
- oh, you have a new account because of "too much drama"? Great, but it's pretty obvious you're only interested in playing a whole lot of girls. Nice try though.
- look, mate, just because the pixel hair is blonde doesn't mean you have to speak to me like I'm stupid. Arrogant prick.
- no, I don't dance with noobs.
- I really don't care if you are having technical issues. I'm not a tech, go google the fix.
And the last thing I wish I had said:
- You lied, you cheated, you were overbearing and jealous, you used me and ignored me. You would guilt trip me if someone even talked to me. You went off the rails when someone hit on me even when I politely declined all their advances. You didn't trust me, yet unlike you, I was faithful. I don't hate you, I resent you.
Maybe next time someone says something I'll be able to refer to this and say what I can't think of on the spot!
Maybe you just wanted to respond in a witty way but couldn't think of anything then and there?
I know I have done both of the above. So I decided to write down all the things I wish I had said.
Here goes...
- I hate that outfit you just showed me! I will not buy it even if it is cheap. Look at it, the design is disgusting!
(I sincerely wish I never bought the outfit. It was some terrible White skirt and top thing. Completely hideous, never worn, got deleted.)
- I know you're lying to me. You already admitted it by everything you just said.
- OMG you are fucking stupid!!
(In my defence I had just explained how things worked and didn't work... Guess you had to be there.)
- I don't believe you when you tell me I'm the only one.
- you won't leave SL if we break up, so what you have just said is a lie. It's a bad one too. Try something more original next time.
- really, I don't like being crowded. If I wanted to spend all my time with you I would.
- stop telling me what I should and should not do!
- instead of staring at my boobs while they bounce, can you actually listen to what I just said?
- friends are meant to be there for each other. Since you have no concept of this and have ended our friendship because she doesn't like me, I hope you miss me. You'll never have my friendship again.
- oh, that's what your penis looks like. You might want to match the colours better.
- your friends are important, but if you want me back you have to prove it. After what you did you owe me at least that much.
- oh, I keep you out of trouble? That's great, stop being a dickhead and playing everyone and you'll stay out of trouble on your own.
- look, if all you're going to do is bitch about how rude people are and how they're not wearing your group tag, then I'm going to fuck off and not return. Venting is different to what you're doing, mate.
- oh, you have a new account because of "too much drama"? Great, but it's pretty obvious you're only interested in playing a whole lot of girls. Nice try though.
- look, mate, just because the pixel hair is blonde doesn't mean you have to speak to me like I'm stupid. Arrogant prick.
- no, I don't dance with noobs.
- I really don't care if you are having technical issues. I'm not a tech, go google the fix.
And the last thing I wish I had said:
- You lied, you cheated, you were overbearing and jealous, you used me and ignored me. You would guilt trip me if someone even talked to me. You went off the rails when someone hit on me even when I politely declined all their advances. You didn't trust me, yet unlike you, I was faithful. I don't hate you, I resent you.
Maybe next time someone says something I'll be able to refer to this and say what I can't think of on the spot!
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Truth or Dare
Which would you choose?
I'm a chicken, so I always choose truth! Not only that, but I always get stupid dares. You know, like going and kissing someone. Originality fail.
I had the best time playing Truth or Dare at DJ Anubis' gig this morning! I bet you didn't know that my perfect partner would be someone who is pink and fluffy! Or that when I grow up I want to be an awesome avatar! I bet you also didn't know the answer to one question was pink fluffy handcuffs!
Speaking of DJ Anubis, if you haven't heard him, check him out! Search, in SL, for Anubis Darkwatch. You will not regret it!
Truth be told, I'm having a dj crush! It's my first DJ crush ever!
*Swoons*
Anyway, have you been dared to do something stupid? If so, what did you do?!
I'm a chicken, so I always choose truth! Not only that, but I always get stupid dares. You know, like going and kissing someone. Originality fail.
I had the best time playing Truth or Dare at DJ Anubis' gig this morning! I bet you didn't know that my perfect partner would be someone who is pink and fluffy! Or that when I grow up I want to be an awesome avatar! I bet you also didn't know the answer to one question was pink fluffy handcuffs!
Speaking of DJ Anubis, if you haven't heard him, check him out! Search, in SL, for Anubis Darkwatch. You will not regret it!
Truth be told, I'm having a dj crush! It's my first DJ crush ever!
*Swoons*
Anyway, have you been dared to do something stupid? If so, what did you do?!
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